??

I'm doing pretty good with my eating this week.  I say pretty good because last night was family dinner night and I made homemade fried chicken!  And mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, squash casserole!  It was all so yummy I had saved most of my calories for that meal but I still think I went over!  So I decided that I would start counting calories.  I have never really tried this method.  I did do weight watchers before but thats not counting calories either.  It makes it hard when most of the food I eat are things that I make and I don't cook low fat or low calorie stuff.  I need to learn how to eat the food I like but much smaller amounts.  I had done pretty good until like 7 weeks ago.  Then I lost my motivation??  But the good thing is I didn't gain more then I had lost.  I fluctuated between 4 & 5 # .  I have done really good this week though my goal was to get back down to my lowest weight so far and I am only .6 # away from that goal!  YAY me!  I have only exercised 1x so far but will do it again tonight and either Sat or Sun.  I have been drinking more water but not enough.  Will work on that too!

There is still a lot going on at home having a hard time dealing with some things trying to lean on the Lord!   Today though I feel like running away from home!  I don't know how much more I can take!  I guess I need to read my bible I'm sure that will help!

I

I,I, I, wow a lot about how I feel!  Who really cares how I feel?  Well I guess I do?  I have done really good so far!  I am proud of myself!  Even though things are pretty crazy around here I am making better choices.  I hope I continue that this weekend I have a wedding shower to go to and a pampered chef party.  Food Food and more food!!!  Oh my!   I can do this I have done this I will do this!  So far I have used the word I 17  19 times!  WOW!  So do we have to think about ourselves when we are trying to lose weight? You betcha!  We have to focus on what we need for once.  What we have to do for ourselves!  That is hard for me some of us to do!  We take care of others don't we?  Isn't that our job?  We let ourselves go because we are so worried about taking care of others.  Why???  Is it because we don't like ourselves?  So its easier to take care of others!  Maybe if we are forces to focus on us we cant handle it?  I thinking about most of my life except when I lost a lot of weight I didn't care about buying myself clothes because I didn't care how I looked.  I bought stuff for my kids but not me!  Well my kids are grown so whats my excuse now?  I missed out on a lot of things over my life time because I didn't have the desire or energy to do them.  I don't want to miss out on anything else.  I'm not getting any younger.  Today is the day now is the time I have to change things.  My granddaughter will be 3 in less then 2 weeks.  I had made up my mind I was going to lose weight before my grand-baby got here.  Did I do it yea about 20 #  big whoop!  I have a long way to go still.  Then when she lost her other Grandmother yea now I really need to do this I'm the only Grandma she has left.  Have I done it NO!  Why?  I don't know and that's what this blog is about finding out what my prior mistakes were.  How to fix them.  How to not keep making the same mistakes again.  Can I do it?  Will I do it?  I have never gone all the way!  I want to go all the way this time.

How I feel today? Ready Set GO!

I am going to start recommitting my self to my goal I seemed to have lost sight of what I was trying to achieve.  So today again I am going to get back on track!  Wow how many times have I said that before.  100+ times!
But I pledge to make better choices today.  Not start over everyday start over every time I eat.  Make better choices and If I mess up then I will start again with the next meal.  That doesn't sound very confident does it.  I am really ready.  I do want to get prepared for the Holidays coming up.  I have to start now If I wait till the ole after the Holidays thing it will never happen..  Then longer I wait the harder It gets.  My goal for this week is to get back to the weight I was at when I fell off the wagon.  I did actually see that # on Fri AM but then even though I tried to make better choices this weekend.  I was not very successful at it.  There has been a lot of family issues going on in my house but I refuse to let that get in the way of my Final Destination!!!!

Goals for this week:
Weigh 264.8
Exercise at least 3x
Drink at least 48 oz of water a day.

I did get my hair done last night so starting a new hairstyle and a new life.

How I feel today! Like I want to get this party started!

I am ready to really recommit my self to my weight loss goal!  I am going to not only get back on the wagon but jump back on.  I want to win at this losing battle!  The holidays are a coming and I need to be prepared.  I will start this new year off as a new lighter version of the person I was last year. 
OK that's all I have to say right now!

How I feel today! Good!

Today I was off work and we went on a road trip!  It was a beautiful day!  We went to several antique shops.  It was me and hubby, my daughter, granddaughter and mother in law.  We had a great day.  Its always nice doing something that I love doing.  Didn't have any money to buy anything but still love to look around.  I really need to start getting serious about my weight loss though.  For sure that is my goal.  I have been slacking off for too long.  I am going to refocus and get busy.  I go back to the Dr. on the 24th and want to have a significant loss.  We will see. 

How I feel today? I want to wake up from this nightmare!

I'm so blue!




Well some how my scale was down 3# I really don't know how that happened?  I ate a lot yesterday.  I have been dealing with a major family crisis and It's really getting to me!  I want my perfect little family back.  The one where everybody is happy.  The one where no one has to take depression meds of anxiety meds.  The one where when I go to sleep at night I don't have to worry about anyone!  OK, so maybe I never really had the perrrrrrrrrrrrrfect family.  But there was a time when all my kids were happy and in a happy relationship.  So I'm struggling.  I want my babies to all be happy.  They are so loved!  But sometimes Mama's love isnt enough!  Not anymore.  I still hurt when they hurt.  I have faith I know that the Lord has plans for them and someday they will all be happy! 


I haven't given up the good fight!  I know I have to be strong!  I will survive!

How I feel today? Tired! Confused!

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.  It's like where did I go?  Better yet where did my motivation go?  I think I lost it somewhere.  I think its under my bed or something?  I really need to do some fall cleaning in my head and find out where it went.  I going to find it even if it kills me!  OK maybe not kills me.  That wouldn't be good?  There has been some stress in my life lately I don't usually let things get to me but this situation with my daughter is getting to me.  Its causing me to lose some sleep.(that explains the tired)  I have got to quit worrying about her life.  Its her life she has to deal with it.  She's grown!  I have this problem I'm sure most moms do?  I want to fix them!  I have to!  I have to do what I can when I can to make there lives better and happier!  Why do I take on that responsibility?  I do not know?  She is 26 she has to learn things for herself.  I can not let go.  So does that have anything to do with why I'm not motivated to be accountable for every bite I put in my mouth?  I don't think so.  I think its just my old habits creeping back.  I have to kick them out and move forward.  Yea thats the plan.  We will see how it works next week.  I need to start setting goals for myself.  Ones that I can stick to.  I only exercised once this week.  I hope to be motivated enough to go home after work and work out again!  Just for my own accountability sake I weigh 3.2# more then I did on Monday. Boo Hoo!  That means for the last 6 weeks I have not lost 1.5#.  Of course on the bright side I haven't really gained so thats good.  I afraid if I don't get motivated before the Holidays I'm really going to have problems.  I can't give up now!

How I feel today? Reflective and a little stressed!

I started reading Sean Anderson's early  entries today.  I wanted to go back to see what made him decide to take this journey?  What kept him motivated?  What struggles he had?  I think it will help me?  I only got to day 10 but I want to continue to read them to get inspiration from them.  I have been trying to figure out where it all went wrong what my triggers are?  I'm still working on that.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows who Sean is but just in case?  http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/  He is what has motivated a lot of people to start this weight loss journey and blogging!  He is a resource I want to tap into.  Most of us are not anywhere near the weight he was.  But he did it amazing!  If he can come that far why can't we?  I was thinking this blog like his blog is about him.  To help him!  Does it matter if 10000 people read it 10 people of 0 people?  No, its about how we feel that's all that matters to help us learn to not to continue to keep making the same mistakes.  I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself about what I should write about.  How much I should write!  Is it going to be enough?  Will it be interesting?  Will people comment?  That is not what this is about.  Its about making my life better and healthier.  So this is for me.  How I feel every day.  OK so that's the reflective part.

I'm a little stressed because my daughter who is the mother of my Granddaughter is having problems with her boyfriend and she has stayed here the last two nights.  We tend to but heads!  She got mad at me because I didn't agree with something she wanted to do.  So I guess shes going to stay at her best friends tonight!  Oh well I guess that's why kids are supposed to grow up and move out so we don't kill each other!  haha!

I think I'm going to start out my blogs with How do I feel today everyday!

Is it really November??

Wow!  I cant believe its already November.  This year has flown by so fast.  I had a great weekend.  The family did come over on Sunday and we had some good eats!  I didn't eat too much I was too busy the whole day and night.  My baby spent the night with Gran-ma.  She is the most awesome-ist!!  HAHA!  I gave her a little gift yesterday I had picked up for her.  It was just some hand sanitizer (which she calls hanitizer) and lotion and body spray.  Yep she's a girly girl!  She told me thank you Gran-ma, your the best Gran-ma ever!  HAHA they learn early these days!  I made me feel good its the first time I have heard that one.  I take what I can get!!


Here is my little Snow White!  Someone told her she was a beautiful Cinderella she said I'm Snow White!  Ahahaha! yea she's not even 3 yet boy are we in trouble!

Here she is relaxing with Gran-ma is she not the cutest thing ever!!

So as of this morning I have lost 3.8 of the 6# I gained so I'm feeling better just need to get more motivated to keep it up!  I can't not again!  I do not want to stay like this forever!  I do feel so much better already but I know how much better I can feel.  I want to feel that again.  I must make good choices everyday.  I will make good choices everyday!

Lose some gain some!

I lost another 2# this week but then I gained 1# back.  So I have lost at least 3 of the 6# I gained I'm happy about that.  Looking forward to the weekend.  I do have to work on Saturday but I have off Sun and Mon.  Yay!  My baby Kenzie will be spending the night with Gram on Sunday night!!  Looking forward to that!  We are having the family over for Halloween dinner and trick or treating!  Fun times!  Hopefully I will stay in control?

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Wow where did everybody go?

I'm looking at the blogs I follow and it seems like almost nobodies out there?  Is it that time of year?  Are people that busy?  Has everyone taken a break?  NNNNNOOOOOO don't do it!  It's too hard to come back.  Next thing you know it New Years and your back into the old habits!  Ok maybe thats just me??  I don't want to go there again.




I want to give a shout out to my new friend Sheilah who is keeping me motivated and in the game good days or bad!  Thank you! Woot Woot!  Hope you have a wonderful time with your Grand-babies!!  I'm sure you will!

You're Beautiful!

This is a Mercy Me song I heard on the radio today and it touched my heart!  To God we are all just beautiful!  No matter what we and others see on the outside!  Take the time to listen to the song its awesome!  They are awesome!

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

The scale is not our friend!

I started thinking this morning about how much the scale we let the scale control how we feel on any given day!  Why do we let it affect how we feel about ourselves, what mood we are in, how we relate to others that day.  We beat ourselves up feel bad feel like we failed?  And all because of 3 little ###?  Why?  We don't give ourselves credit for how far we have come.  We act like well, I guess we have to go all the way back to the starting line.  Well, we don't!  It is going to take us a little longer to get to the finish line!  But who cares??  Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?  Do we have a deadline?  I don't think so?  We make is seem like we do when we have a gain.  We need to focus on the good!  How far we have come.  We need to remember we didn't  get this way overnight.  We will get to the finish line we just cannot ever give up!  I know If you are any thing like me and my history of dieting you worry if you will eventually give up like you have every other time you have tried this.  I'm not going to let the scale tell me anymore. Give up!  Why bother!  You will never do it!  You can never stick to anything!  I'm not going to listen to that any more!  None of us should!  Every day we have and make choices.  Some are good some not so good.  Our goal is to have more good choices then bad.  If we can do that we will get to the finish line!!  We will do this just like so many others have we are no different the all those people who have reached their goal!!  We can do it too!

I need to start setting small goals I think when I try to focus on the finish line I get carried away.  I get scared!  I sabotage myself.  I did lose 2# of the weight I gained and plan on making better choices not letting FOOD & THE SCALE RULE ME!

Wish me luck!

Today is a new day!

     Thank you so much Sheilah for the rope! You have no idea how much I needed that!  I feel better and stronger today.  I just need to gain back control of my good habits.  I will do that.  I have to do it.  Not that it really matters but it has been 3 weeks I haven't been eating that great.  But no more!  I will plant my feet firmly on the ground and dig my heels in.  I have way to much to live for to live an unhealthy life that will most definitely shorten it.  No more excuses!  I was .8# lighter this AM so I'm on the right track.

I'm falling into a deep dark hole! I need a rope!

      Ok so for the last two weeks I have been sinking!  Back into my old habits!  I have been overeating and have gained 6 lbs!  Oh my gosh!  Yes I said it!  It's out there!  I did not exercise at all last week because of aches and pains.  How ever I did get a lot of exercise this sat.  We went to the Graves Mountain apple festival and had such a great time!!  I really enjoyed spending time with my family!!  Especially my G-baby!  she's so cute and funny!  I could just go on an on about her!  But I will spare you! Ha Ha!  So I'm going to pick my self up and dust my self off and keep my eye on the prize!  Many more years with my family!

     Well this week I did go to Zumba on Monday night I couldn't give it all I had because my knee started hurting a little so I took it kinda easy!  But I told myself I was going no matter what!  Last night I did my weight lifting also.  I'm getting back on the exercise track now I have to get back on the eating right track!

Here is an e-mail I got from someone in my Sunday school class and I really liked it so here it is!

this is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'.

I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose. 

I'm sinking!

     I feel like I'm a little depressed!  I have been having lots of aches and pains.  I have been eating way more then I should.  Not like out of control or anything just more then I should.  I haven't been able to work out this week.  Everything hurts!  So I kinda feel like a failure.  I kept thinking on Sunday that the only person that told me I looked nice for or at the wedding was my husband.  I don't know why that even matters to me?  But apparently it does?  I took time making sure my hair looked good my makeup looked good!  But who really cares?  I'm still enormous.  I saw pictures of myself at the wedding and it doesn't look like Ive lost any weight at all!  Very depressing!!  It makes me feel like why bother?  I guess that's why I haven't been on here since Friday.  Feeling kind of bummed!  I don't want to give up I want to stay strong!  But the scale is going in the wrong direction.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?  Here I go again!  What is wrong with me?  Do I want to look like this for the rest of my life?  NO!  I don't want to see pictures of myself and cringe! (that was a draft I started on Tues.)

     I'm feeling better not so depressed and aches and pains are better.  I still haven't worked out don't want to hurt anything worse.  Going to take a few more days to recover.  Ive been busy this week at work and at home.  Still eating too much but I'm not going to give up.  I am going to keep my goals in mind.  I will not give up.

     I will refocus and get in control.  I will not let this get away from me this time!

Wow is it Friday already?

     Not that I'm complaining or anything! HAHA! Grand-baby spending the night again!  YAY!  Had family dinner night last night!  I went to bed thanking God for my wonderful children and g-baby!  I love them all so much!  But I ate too much!  And I weigh 1.6# higher this friday then last.  Not a good end to the week.  I know I did eat a little too much a couple of nights this week but I should have at least just maintained.  Not gained!  I didn't over do it that much.  I did lose some inches though so I'm happy about that! I am determined that I'm not going to give up!  Not this time no matter what setbacks I have I will keep chugging along!

I have a wedding to go to on Sat. not sure how I'm going to do there? It's going to be a pretty fancy wedding so the food should be really good!  Maybe I will go for a nice walk in the AM?

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Today I feel stronger!

     I think I got my mojo back!  I feel more motivated today!  I will do this! I know what I need to do and I will keep my eye on the prize!  Thank you ladies for your words of encouragement and support!  It really does help!  We can get each other through this will the support we each need! 

Thank you!

I Can Change!

     I was feeling like I was starting to lose some of my focus.  I know that this time I want to change everything about how I was!  How I ate!  The lack of activity.  The lack of motivation to live a healthier life.  I can change all those things.  The voice that says when you eat something you shouldn't, that you already blew it so why not pig out?  There's always tomorrow?  There is no rush you will lose it sometime??  Well  I'm trying to override that voice in my head.  I don't have to listen to it right?  I make a mistake, its not the end of the world, its not over.  I didn't ruin my whole journey.  Keep on track!  My life is improving everyday.  It will continue to improve if I keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel!  I want to reach that light!  I want to bask in the glorious light at the end of that tunnel that Ive never seen!  I can't imagine how bright it will be.  How awesome it will be when I wake up in the morning and I'm in the light.  What will that feel like?  I will find out I can change!

     OK so here's the deal I ate too much dinner tonight.  I don't count calories.  I don't count points.  I just try at every meal to eat approximately half of the amount that I used to eat.  Is that working?  Does that work?  Yes it does!  So getting back to the dinner tonight.  My wonderful husband picked up dinner from the best Chinese restaurant in the world!  No, really!  Ive been around the world! HAHA!  Well practically!  My dad was in the Air Force for 20 years.  Well of course I just couldn't help it and I told my self I could indulge!  Was that right?  Probably not?  But the difference is I will not let it get me off my track!  This train is going to keep on chugging!!  I wont let that be an excuse to let me get off at the station to grab a snack!  NO!  I'm drinking Jasmine tea that they also gave us with the dinner.  I will fill myself with that and not be tempted to go crazy!  I am not that person any more.  I don't ever want to be that person anymore.  I want her to get off this train and never get back on! I am the conductor and the caboose!  I control all the compartments on my train!  Yea, I don't know where all that came from?  HAHA!  Bottom line is I am different!  I can change I've seen so many people do it I can too!

     I'm watching Biggest Loser!   I love that show!  I love it even more when I'm right there with them!  Trying to stay on the ranch.

Zumba X2

     Went to the second Zumba class tonight.  It was good!  I bought a 20x punch card so I'm committed!  I do really like it!  My knee was hurting tonight so I had to take it easy.  I was wondering today if I am ever going to get those steps down I did a little better tonight so I know it will take time.  I cant get discouraged and I have to be patient! 

     I kind of felt like I ate too much this weekend?  I just don't want to lose my ground!  I want to keep moving forward.  Keep my goals in mind.  Finish the race this time.  I have to stay strong.  Stay in control I cannot and will not lose my motivation!!!

I know everyday is a new day!  I will continue on my journey to my final destination! Healthy!  It's what I have to do for me!  For my family!

Weekend here we come!

     I love friday nights I get to have my granddaughter spend the night with us.  She is so awesome!   

     I seem to be having a little trouble on weekends I have been kind of yo yoing!  I need to stay focused on my portion control.  I don't want to spend the whole week trying to get off what I put on the weekend.  But I think since I have set my goals it will keep me more motivated!!

     Well one good thing is lately I spend more time thinking about the weight I want to lose and not what food I want to eat!  That's progress!?  I want my life to be the very best it can be the way God intended it to be.  I think the reason we do better when we blog is we are finding another way to relieve the stress, emotions, anger, unhappiness whatever it is that causes us to eat our feelings instead of deal with them.  I for once in my life can believe I will actually do it this time.  I will go all the way no matter what.  If it doesn't happen by the end of next August the thats ok too!  If your going to dream then dream big right?

     In case any of you are wondering how two weeks ago I said I lost 25# and now my weight ticker says 65.2 its because I at one time did weigh that much. (you will see that on my first blog)  I have lost 5 more in the past 2 weeks.

     I am wearing a pair of jeans today.  Ok your thinking so what?  Well I haven't been able to wear these jeans for at least 4-1/2 years.  They fit pretty good but I'm not used to wearing pants with buttons and zippers so it's kinda hurting my stomach a little! haha!  Their not to tight its just I'm not used to it!

My accomplishments this week:
Weigh 2# less then last friday
Did my strength training 3X
Went to Zumba on Monday
Did my Wii Just Dance for about 15 mins.


Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  I know I will!  We are going for a drive to the mountains in the AM!  YAY!  I'm hoping that my daughter and G-Baby go als

  

I have goals!

     Last night when I went to bed I started thinking in 11 months my oldest daughter will be 30!  OMGosh!  I can hardly believe it!  How is that possible?  So I decided I want to lose 130#.  I want to be the weight I was before I got pregnant with her by her 30th!!  That's and average of 15# a month!  I really think I can do it!!  I need something to give me a drive so that once and for all I reach my goal!!  This is it!  I'm going to do it this time.  So here are my goals, I want to exercise more, drink more water, and eat less!  No problem?  I can do that?  I'm feeling better and better every day and I want to continue feeling even better!  I want to be the size God created me to be.  I don't want to be super-sized any more.  I used to pray that I would wake up and not be fat anymore.  I just realized that God, who is the God of miracles can do anything!  Right?  So why cant he make me thin overnight?  I  realized that we do need his help, but we have to take the first step.  We have to make the decision to make changes in our lives, if he made me thin overnight what would I learn?  Nothing!  I would still think I could eat what I was eating to get to where I am today....  I now know that it is one day at a time, one wise choice at a time.  There is no quick fix!  We have the power within ourselves to make those choices.  God gave us free will.  We can choose to believe in him.  We can choose to ask his son to come into our hearts and give us eternal life.  And we can choose what we put in our mouths everyday.  God will be there with us holding our hands helping us make the right choices if we just ask.  That's what I'm doing I'm asking for his help.  I want to be healthy for the family that he blessed me with.  The power is within us if we choose to tap into it.  I also need help and support from my family but most of all my friends who are on the same journey as me.  People who understand what it's like to be me.  If someone hasn't had a substantial amount of weight to lose they cant possibly understand?

I Survived!!

   Well I did it!  It was definitely and experience!  And next week I'm going back for more!  OK so yes it was a workout and yes i barley survived!  I think i was actually doing what i was supposed to about 20% of the time! haha!  But it was fun!  I know if I continue it will get easier and I will catch on.  I don't know if I will be able to move tomorrow?  It was good because they dim the lights and have disco lights.  Everybody was so busy trying to keep up themselves so they didn't really have time to watch me mess up!  Thank God! 

     I know this will make a big difference in my weight loss journey!  Every little bit helps.  My physical and non physical challenges this week for Shrinkvivor were to rack up workout minutes and do not make any trips to fast food restaurants!  So far so good!  I will have to put in my weight on Wed.  I had lost like 1.5# but today I was back up so??? 

ZUMBA??? Who me?

Today I'm gonna do something I haven't done in i don't know like 30 years??  I'm actually going to go to an exercise class!! And boy am i scared!  HAHA! not really!  Well maybe just a tad!  I keep hearing about Zumba on  the Sisterhood so why not?  I have invited my sister in law to go with me and my niece is going also!  Should be very interesting??  I don't know if I will be doing more exercise of laughing at myself?  Probably a lot of both.      

Had a good weekend!  Altho I did have to work on Sat while my whole family went to Kings Dominion!(and amusement park)  And I do mean my whole family including my precious granddaughter!  They all had a good time.

Well wish me luck tonight I will let you know how it goes!

It's only a game?

  Yea so I was a little upset that I got kicked off my tribe last night!  But, apparently someone else got very upset!  I heard she said she her teammates were all fat and she hopes they die young!  Wow!  Someone took that a bit to serious?  Now I don't feel quite as bad! hahaha!  OK, so I guess the whole point of the game is to lose weight anyways?  So I guess we will all be winners? 

Tribe EXILE? What?

     So I just found out I'm the first one to get kicked off my tribe!  I'm kinda surprised how much it upset me!  I'm guessing my team voted me off?  If no one on the team votes anyone off then the person with the lowest % of weight loss goes home!  I'm pretty sure I didn't have the lowest %?   So what this means is I can still stay in the game I just wont have a chance so win the Grand Prize!  I kinda feel like the person who gets picked last for a game or something?  Not something I experienced as a child but I'm guessing that's how it must feel?  I guess I didn't spend enough time on Twitter getting to know everybody?  Oh well nothing I can do now!  Part of me wants to just give up on the game!  All I have to do is stop weighing in!  I'm just kinda feeling left out!  Well I'll see how it goes?  It also made me want to eat something really bad but I'm not gonna do it!  It's not worth it!  I'll get over it!  Whatever!

shrinkvivor weekly challenge week#2

     So, after the fist week of the challenge I did really well I lost 4.4# not to shabby!  However the physical challenge was to walk, run, jog, etc.. miles and the other thing was to drink water.  I was supposed to drink half my weight in water.  I did neither of those!  I feel really bad and I can list tons of excuses but why bother?  Point being I didn't do it!  At least I lost a good amount of weight so we will see?  I will do better next week for sure!!!

Life is so good!

     Got off early today had a Dr. appt.  So I decided to go get my car inspected before!  Ok, well this part isn't so good I failed the inspection!  My hubby said I should have told him I was going to get it done so he could have checked it over first.  Well there were several small things but he said 1 of my tires didn't pass and the other one wasn't far behind.  So I guess I need 2 new tires?  After my Dr appt. which went very well!  I was down 10# since last month.  That made me and my Dr happy!  I went to my daughters and she made me an amazing dinner.  It was so yummy!  I served myself a small portion, and for desert she made mini choc chip cookies I ate 1 very slowly!  But that was all! It was really nice spending time with her we don't get to spend a lot of time alone.  I truly love my family so much they are the most important thing to me!  I'm so lucky to have them!  I'm feeling more confident then I have felt in such a long time!  It feels great!

What was I thinking?

     So I decided since allot of my pants are getting very baggy I should go and maybe buy a new pair of pants or 2?  Well I didn't buy any pants and left the store feeling very down and depressed!  You know when you start losing weight you start feeling better!  You even think you look better?  Until you get in a dressing room with those huge mirrors!  I hate those mirrors!  That surly isn't me?  It cant be I just lost a lot of weight I look and feel better!  HA!  I've have been wearing pants that stretch and have elastic waist for so long although, over the last 2 weeks I have been wearing some of my pants that button and zip that I hadn't been able to wear for over 2 years.  I'm thinking ok I will try some pants on with buttons and zippers!  Wrong!  I obviously tried on a size or 2 that didn't fit me and then tried another size bigger and couldn't get those buttoned either!  Then had to see my huge bloated belly in that big mirror!  Ok so wont do that again any time soon!  I did however do very good at dinner we ate at Ruby Tuesdays and because I brought half of my food home and drank water with dinner I only ate 408 calories!  On the way home we went by Wendy's my normal size husband love vanilla frosty's!  He asked me if I wanted any thing I thought of how depressed I was about the fitting room & for a split second thought why bother!  I said just for a split second!  By the way chocolate frosty are much better! haha 

I feel good! nanananana na!

     I think I'm gonna have to get rid of the pants I was wearing to day they look pretty hideous on me!  They are way too big!  Yea, that's right I said big!  Wow that feels good!  I have been yo yowing for most of my life!  I want to start getting rid of big clothes for EVER!  So, since Jan. I have lost about 25 lbs.  I have such a long way to go but that's OK!  I'm in for the long hall!  The other day me and hubby went to the grocery store usually he drops me off at the door.  Because he's a good man and my dad taught him well! ha-ha  And he knows I'm lazy and don't want to walk that far!  He likes to park far away.  Well on Sunday he was getting ready to drop me off and I said just go park.  He looked at me and said I like the new you! YAY!  I like the new me also!

Thank God today is over!

     What a crazy crazy day!  So this mourning I had to take my daughter to the hospital for outpatient surgery!  So I got up got ready and called her and to see if she was up yet?  Well she has a big problem with getting up in the mourning and she didn't answer her phone!  I drive over there to pick her up and she still hasn't answered her phone.  I do have a key to her house but my son has it with him and he is like 35 miles away!  So I call her boyfriend who she lives with and he said her best friend has a key.  I try to call her like 4x no answer!  Great huh!  She is supposed to be there at 10 by now it like 9:50 she's only 10 mins away but still no answer!  Her friend finally calls me back and says her husband took her van and she doesn't have enough car seats to come over with all the kids!  By the way she watches my granddaughter and she spent the night with her last night! Well I know your thinking get to the point!  Sorry I have a tendency to make a long story!  I finally got in the house at 10:25 and she called and they told her to come in any ways!  Thank God!!!  She had the surgery everything went well and I am praising the Lord!

I'm so ready to start this challenge!  I seriously need the accountability!

Wish me luck!

Call me Crazy?!

     So had a pretty busy weekend!  On Friday night our precious little granddaughter spent the night!  Love her so much!  Then on Saturday we spent most of the day and evening at a Christian Festival it was nice!  We heard bands playing and they had free food and lots of stuff for the kids!  We stood in line for an hour to get free hot dogs.  I took 2 but gave one away!  I think I did good!  I'm trying to learn how to read my body and listen to it for a change and stop eating when I'm full!  Later that night we went to my sister in laws and ate some homemade fried chicken!  YUMMY! I ate a few pieces of potatoes and corn on the cob.  Later she made some new microwave carmel popcorn and she plops a bowl in my lap!  The old me would have eating all of it.  I had a few handfuls and put it down.  She asked me if I didn't like it?  I told her it was good and that I'm really trying not to snack after dinner.  I did also eat 1 little bite size and I do mean bite size butterfinger! But that's all!

Sunday got up early went to church!  I love my church!  Went home worked out took a nap then made stuffed cabbage!  Yummy! 

So, here it is Tuesday I weighed my self this A.M. 3.2lbs more then Friday???????  The old me would have said what the heck?  I might as well eat as much as I want it's not doing any good anyways?  But then the new little voice said that would be really dumb!!  So I didn't listen to the old me!  HAHAHA!  I'm sounding a little crazy right now!  But that's not the crazy thing I'm talking about last week I stumbled upon a website the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans!  Well they are having a Shrinkvivor Challenge and I was kinda nervous about it but I signed up!  I've never done any thing like this before and I'm kinda scared!  I guess I don't fully trust myself yet?  So last night I was sitting on the couch watching TV & the old me said well since you are going to have to start being accountable for how much you lose you could pig out right now one last binge before you start the challenge!  Right? Why not?  Then I realized that was the old way of thinking I have to change that kind of attitude if I ever want to change my life?!  So I didn't eat anything!  YAY! 
     The Challenge starts tomorrow!

Wish me luck!

My journey continues!

     I'm in a very good place right now!  I don't ever want to give up!  In the past I can do this good for 3-5 months.  And then I take my well deserved break! Ha!  That's pretty much the end of that!  I slowly overtime start to gain weight back!  So why do I keep doing this to myself?  Who knows?  I do know that I don't want to do it again!  I want to feel like I do now!  Motivated! Strong! Happy with my choices!  What do I do it this time?  So I don't make the same mistakes like all the other times I've tried and failed?  I want my life back!  I don't want to be trapped in this over sized bloated shell that I carry around everyday.  I want the thin me that I haven't seen in almost 30 years so escape!  I will do this!  Everyday I need to remember how much I want this!  And never forget it!  I'm on my way I haven't been this weight for 3 or 4 years it feels good!  My pants are getting very baggy and I wore a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear In a long long time!  I WANT THIS!!!!!!

More peace when I go to sleep!

     I am thankful when I lay my head down at night that I am changing my life!  It feels so good to be in control of food!  I love it!  Food no longer controls me!  But to be perfectly honest I'm still scared!  I have been through this so many times I don't want to fail again!  I have felt this strong before and still ended up here again!  I want this to be the LAST time!  I am learning so much from all the blogs Ive read and the book I'm reading now.  It all makes so much sense now!  I'm hoping with all the knowledge I have learned this will be it for me.  It really feels like it!  I guess I can only do one day at a time?  I'm happy with myself tonight I really wanted to make a plate of nachos for my self but I overcame the temptation.  Can you believe I actually opened the bag of chips and only ate 1 chip!!!!!  I am really trying to focus on our
God giving ability to eat only when I'm hungry and STOP eating when I'm not! 


Wish me luck!

Will I change my life forever? I hope so!

     I started reading a book called The Weigh Down Diet.  So far It's starting to make a lot of sense.  It says that being on a diet makes people focus too much on food!  That's so true!  I am going to change my life once and for All! I WILL CHANGE!  I was down 2 lbs on Sunday but then was back up on Monday?  Lost  1 lb of that this mourning.  I didn't feel like working out tonight but I did.  I have noticed what a difference it has made on my weight loss journey.

I am in a very good place right now!?

     I had another good night!  Instead of ordering pizza like my husband wanted to I put some potatoes and squash in the oven to roast while I went to work out on weights.  When I was done I seasoned some boneless pork chops and my hubby cooked them on the grill!  Much healthier then pizza and not too much work!  I succeeded in not eating any snacks after dinner either! YAY!  The scale said I lost another 2lbs!  Woooo Hoooo!  Notice I said the scale said! HAHA!  Not sure I believe it yet?  So my plan for this weekend is eat in MODERATION!  (That was thurs night) 

Ive been thinking about all the times I have successfully lost a large amount of weight I just knew I will never ever be this fat again!  So, how do you know when you will finally win at the losing battle?  I guess I just have to have faith that I can do this once and for all!  I want to live a normal life.  I want to control food I don't want food to control me anymore. I had a really good weekend actually lost more weight.  I never lose weight on the weekends.  But I did control my appetite and did not eat any snacks after dinner.  I feel strong now determined.  I want this so bad I know I will have to change my life if I want this to work and never do this to myself again.

Well I'm one of the few people who has to go to work tomorrow!!  Better get to bed.