??

I'm doing pretty good with my eating this week.  I say pretty good because last night was family dinner night and I made homemade fried chicken!  And mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, squash casserole!  It was all so yummy I had saved most of my calories for that meal but I still think I went over!  So I decided that I would start counting calories.  I have never really tried this method.  I did do weight watchers before but thats not counting calories either.  It makes it hard when most of the food I eat are things that I make and I don't cook low fat or low calorie stuff.  I need to learn how to eat the food I like but much smaller amounts.  I had done pretty good until like 7 weeks ago.  Then I lost my motivation??  But the good thing is I didn't gain more then I had lost.  I fluctuated between 4 & 5 # .  I have done really good this week though my goal was to get back down to my lowest weight so far and I am only .6 # away from that goal!  YAY me!  I have only exercised 1x so far but will do it again tonight and either Sat or Sun.  I have been drinking more water but not enough.  Will work on that too!

There is still a lot going on at home having a hard time dealing with some things trying to lean on the Lord!   Today though I feel like running away from home!  I don't know how much more I can take!  I guess I need to read my bible I'm sure that will help!

I

I,I, I, wow a lot about how I feel!  Who really cares how I feel?  Well I guess I do?  I have done really good so far!  I am proud of myself!  Even though things are pretty crazy around here I am making better choices.  I hope I continue that this weekend I have a wedding shower to go to and a pampered chef party.  Food Food and more food!!!  Oh my!   I can do this I have done this I will do this!  So far I have used the word I 17  19 times!  WOW!  So do we have to think about ourselves when we are trying to lose weight? You betcha!  We have to focus on what we need for once.  What we have to do for ourselves!  That is hard for me some of us to do!  We take care of others don't we?  Isn't that our job?  We let ourselves go because we are so worried about taking care of others.  Why???  Is it because we don't like ourselves?  So its easier to take care of others!  Maybe if we are forces to focus on us we cant handle it?  I thinking about most of my life except when I lost a lot of weight I didn't care about buying myself clothes because I didn't care how I looked.  I bought stuff for my kids but not me!  Well my kids are grown so whats my excuse now?  I missed out on a lot of things over my life time because I didn't have the desire or energy to do them.  I don't want to miss out on anything else.  I'm not getting any younger.  Today is the day now is the time I have to change things.  My granddaughter will be 3 in less then 2 weeks.  I had made up my mind I was going to lose weight before my grand-baby got here.  Did I do it yea about 20 #  big whoop!  I have a long way to go still.  Then when she lost her other Grandmother yea now I really need to do this I'm the only Grandma she has left.  Have I done it NO!  Why?  I don't know and that's what this blog is about finding out what my prior mistakes were.  How to fix them.  How to not keep making the same mistakes again.  Can I do it?  Will I do it?  I have never gone all the way!  I want to go all the way this time.

How I feel today? Ready Set GO!

I am going to start recommitting my self to my goal I seemed to have lost sight of what I was trying to achieve.  So today again I am going to get back on track!  Wow how many times have I said that before.  100+ times!
But I pledge to make better choices today.  Not start over everyday start over every time I eat.  Make better choices and If I mess up then I will start again with the next meal.  That doesn't sound very confident does it.  I am really ready.  I do want to get prepared for the Holidays coming up.  I have to start now If I wait till the ole after the Holidays thing it will never happen..  Then longer I wait the harder It gets.  My goal for this week is to get back to the weight I was at when I fell off the wagon.  I did actually see that # on Fri AM but then even though I tried to make better choices this weekend.  I was not very successful at it.  There has been a lot of family issues going on in my house but I refuse to let that get in the way of my Final Destination!!!!

Goals for this week:
Weigh 264.8
Exercise at least 3x
Drink at least 48 oz of water a day.

I did get my hair done last night so starting a new hairstyle and a new life.

How I feel today! Like I want to get this party started!

I am ready to really recommit my self to my weight loss goal!  I am going to not only get back on the wagon but jump back on.  I want to win at this losing battle!  The holidays are a coming and I need to be prepared.  I will start this new year off as a new lighter version of the person I was last year. 
OK that's all I have to say right now!

How I feel today! Good!

Today I was off work and we went on a road trip!  It was a beautiful day!  We went to several antique shops.  It was me and hubby, my daughter, granddaughter and mother in law.  We had a great day.  Its always nice doing something that I love doing.  Didn't have any money to buy anything but still love to look around.  I really need to start getting serious about my weight loss though.  For sure that is my goal.  I have been slacking off for too long.  I am going to refocus and get busy.  I go back to the Dr. on the 24th and want to have a significant loss.  We will see. 

How I feel today? I want to wake up from this nightmare!

I'm so blue!




Well some how my scale was down 3# I really don't know how that happened?  I ate a lot yesterday.  I have been dealing with a major family crisis and It's really getting to me!  I want my perfect little family back.  The one where everybody is happy.  The one where no one has to take depression meds of anxiety meds.  The one where when I go to sleep at night I don't have to worry about anyone!  OK, so maybe I never really had the perrrrrrrrrrrrrfect family.  But there was a time when all my kids were happy and in a happy relationship.  So I'm struggling.  I want my babies to all be happy.  They are so loved!  But sometimes Mama's love isnt enough!  Not anymore.  I still hurt when they hurt.  I have faith I know that the Lord has plans for them and someday they will all be happy! 


I haven't given up the good fight!  I know I have to be strong!  I will survive!

How I feel today? Tired! Confused!

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.  It's like where did I go?  Better yet where did my motivation go?  I think I lost it somewhere.  I think its under my bed or something?  I really need to do some fall cleaning in my head and find out where it went.  I going to find it even if it kills me!  OK maybe not kills me.  That wouldn't be good?  There has been some stress in my life lately I don't usually let things get to me but this situation with my daughter is getting to me.  Its causing me to lose some sleep.(that explains the tired)  I have got to quit worrying about her life.  Its her life she has to deal with it.  She's grown!  I have this problem I'm sure most moms do?  I want to fix them!  I have to!  I have to do what I can when I can to make there lives better and happier!  Why do I take on that responsibility?  I do not know?  She is 26 she has to learn things for herself.  I can not let go.  So does that have anything to do with why I'm not motivated to be accountable for every bite I put in my mouth?  I don't think so.  I think its just my old habits creeping back.  I have to kick them out and move forward.  Yea thats the plan.  We will see how it works next week.  I need to start setting goals for myself.  Ones that I can stick to.  I only exercised once this week.  I hope to be motivated enough to go home after work and work out again!  Just for my own accountability sake I weigh 3.2# more then I did on Monday. Boo Hoo!  That means for the last 6 weeks I have not lost 1.5#.  Of course on the bright side I haven't really gained so thats good.  I afraid if I don't get motivated before the Holidays I'm really going to have problems.  I can't give up now!

How I feel today? Reflective and a little stressed!

I started reading Sean Anderson's early  entries today.  I wanted to go back to see what made him decide to take this journey?  What kept him motivated?  What struggles he had?  I think it will help me?  I only got to day 10 but I want to continue to read them to get inspiration from them.  I have been trying to figure out where it all went wrong what my triggers are?  I'm still working on that.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows who Sean is but just in case?  http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/  He is what has motivated a lot of people to start this weight loss journey and blogging!  He is a resource I want to tap into.  Most of us are not anywhere near the weight he was.  But he did it amazing!  If he can come that far why can't we?  I was thinking this blog like his blog is about him.  To help him!  Does it matter if 10000 people read it 10 people of 0 people?  No, its about how we feel that's all that matters to help us learn to not to continue to keep making the same mistakes.  I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself about what I should write about.  How much I should write!  Is it going to be enough?  Will it be interesting?  Will people comment?  That is not what this is about.  Its about making my life better and healthier.  So this is for me.  How I feel every day.  OK so that's the reflective part.

I'm a little stressed because my daughter who is the mother of my Granddaughter is having problems with her boyfriend and she has stayed here the last two nights.  We tend to but heads!  She got mad at me because I didn't agree with something she wanted to do.  So I guess shes going to stay at her best friends tonight!  Oh well I guess that's why kids are supposed to grow up and move out so we don't kill each other!  haha!

I think I'm going to start out my blogs with How do I feel today everyday!

Is it really November??

Wow!  I cant believe its already November.  This year has flown by so fast.  I had a great weekend.  The family did come over on Sunday and we had some good eats!  I didn't eat too much I was too busy the whole day and night.  My baby spent the night with Gran-ma.  She is the most awesome-ist!!  HAHA!  I gave her a little gift yesterday I had picked up for her.  It was just some hand sanitizer (which she calls hanitizer) and lotion and body spray.  Yep she's a girly girl!  She told me thank you Gran-ma, your the best Gran-ma ever!  HAHA they learn early these days!  I made me feel good its the first time I have heard that one.  I take what I can get!!


Here is my little Snow White!  Someone told her she was a beautiful Cinderella she said I'm Snow White!  Ahahaha! yea she's not even 3 yet boy are we in trouble!

Here she is relaxing with Gran-ma is she not the cutest thing ever!!

So as of this morning I have lost 3.8 of the 6# I gained so I'm feeling better just need to get more motivated to keep it up!  I can't not again!  I do not want to stay like this forever!  I do feel so much better already but I know how much better I can feel.  I want to feel that again.  I must make good choices everyday.  I will make good choices everyday!