I have goals!

     Last night when I went to bed I started thinking in 11 months my oldest daughter will be 30!  OMGosh!  I can hardly believe it!  How is that possible?  So I decided I want to lose 130#.  I want to be the weight I was before I got pregnant with her by her 30th!!  That's and average of 15# a month!  I really think I can do it!!  I need something to give me a drive so that once and for all I reach my goal!!  This is it!  I'm going to do it this time.  So here are my goals, I want to exercise more, drink more water, and eat less!  No problem?  I can do that?  I'm feeling better and better every day and I want to continue feeling even better!  I want to be the size God created me to be.  I don't want to be super-sized any more.  I used to pray that I would wake up and not be fat anymore.  I just realized that God, who is the God of miracles can do anything!  Right?  So why cant he make me thin overnight?  I  realized that we do need his help, but we have to take the first step.  We have to make the decision to make changes in our lives, if he made me thin overnight what would I learn?  Nothing!  I would still think I could eat what I was eating to get to where I am today....  I now know that it is one day at a time, one wise choice at a time.  There is no quick fix!  We have the power within ourselves to make those choices.  God gave us free will.  We can choose to believe in him.  We can choose to ask his son to come into our hearts and give us eternal life.  And we can choose what we put in our mouths everyday.  God will be there with us holding our hands helping us make the right choices if we just ask.  That's what I'm doing I'm asking for his help.  I want to be healthy for the family that he blessed me with.  The power is within us if we choose to tap into it.  I also need help and support from my family but most of all my friends who are on the same journey as me.  People who understand what it's like to be me.  If someone hasn't had a substantial amount of weight to lose they cant possibly understand?

I Survived!!

   Well I did it!  It was definitely and experience!  And next week I'm going back for more!  OK so yes it was a workout and yes i barley survived!  I think i was actually doing what i was supposed to about 20% of the time! haha!  But it was fun!  I know if I continue it will get easier and I will catch on.  I don't know if I will be able to move tomorrow?  It was good because they dim the lights and have disco lights.  Everybody was so busy trying to keep up themselves so they didn't really have time to watch me mess up!  Thank God! 

     I know this will make a big difference in my weight loss journey!  Every little bit helps.  My physical and non physical challenges this week for Shrinkvivor were to rack up workout minutes and do not make any trips to fast food restaurants!  So far so good!  I will have to put in my weight on Wed.  I had lost like 1.5# but today I was back up so??? 

ZUMBA??? Who me?

Today I'm gonna do something I haven't done in i don't know like 30 years??  I'm actually going to go to an exercise class!! And boy am i scared!  HAHA! not really!  Well maybe just a tad!  I keep hearing about Zumba on  the Sisterhood so why not?  I have invited my sister in law to go with me and my niece is going also!  Should be very interesting??  I don't know if I will be doing more exercise of laughing at myself?  Probably a lot of both.      

Had a good weekend!  Altho I did have to work on Sat while my whole family went to Kings Dominion!(and amusement park)  And I do mean my whole family including my precious granddaughter!  They all had a good time.

Well wish me luck tonight I will let you know how it goes!

It's only a game?

  Yea so I was a little upset that I got kicked off my tribe last night!  But, apparently someone else got very upset!  I heard she said she her teammates were all fat and she hopes they die young!  Wow!  Someone took that a bit to serious?  Now I don't feel quite as bad! hahaha!  OK, so I guess the whole point of the game is to lose weight anyways?  So I guess we will all be winners? 

Tribe EXILE? What?

     So I just found out I'm the first one to get kicked off my tribe!  I'm kinda surprised how much it upset me!  I'm guessing my team voted me off?  If no one on the team votes anyone off then the person with the lowest % of weight loss goes home!  I'm pretty sure I didn't have the lowest %?   So what this means is I can still stay in the game I just wont have a chance so win the Grand Prize!  I kinda feel like the person who gets picked last for a game or something?  Not something I experienced as a child but I'm guessing that's how it must feel?  I guess I didn't spend enough time on Twitter getting to know everybody?  Oh well nothing I can do now!  Part of me wants to just give up on the game!  All I have to do is stop weighing in!  I'm just kinda feeling left out!  Well I'll see how it goes?  It also made me want to eat something really bad but I'm not gonna do it!  It's not worth it!  I'll get over it!  Whatever!

shrinkvivor weekly challenge week#2

     So, after the fist week of the challenge I did really well I lost 4.4# not to shabby!  However the physical challenge was to walk, run, jog, etc.. miles and the other thing was to drink water.  I was supposed to drink half my weight in water.  I did neither of those!  I feel really bad and I can list tons of excuses but why bother?  Point being I didn't do it!  At least I lost a good amount of weight so we will see?  I will do better next week for sure!!!

Life is so good!

     Got off early today had a Dr. appt.  So I decided to go get my car inspected before!  Ok, well this part isn't so good I failed the inspection!  My hubby said I should have told him I was going to get it done so he could have checked it over first.  Well there were several small things but he said 1 of my tires didn't pass and the other one wasn't far behind.  So I guess I need 2 new tires?  After my Dr appt. which went very well!  I was down 10# since last month.  That made me and my Dr happy!  I went to my daughters and she made me an amazing dinner.  It was so yummy!  I served myself a small portion, and for desert she made mini choc chip cookies I ate 1 very slowly!  But that was all! It was really nice spending time with her we don't get to spend a lot of time alone.  I truly love my family so much they are the most important thing to me!  I'm so lucky to have them!  I'm feeling more confident then I have felt in such a long time!  It feels great!

What was I thinking?

     So I decided since allot of my pants are getting very baggy I should go and maybe buy a new pair of pants or 2?  Well I didn't buy any pants and left the store feeling very down and depressed!  You know when you start losing weight you start feeling better!  You even think you look better?  Until you get in a dressing room with those huge mirrors!  I hate those mirrors!  That surly isn't me?  It cant be I just lost a lot of weight I look and feel better!  HA!  I've have been wearing pants that stretch and have elastic waist for so long although, over the last 2 weeks I have been wearing some of my pants that button and zip that I hadn't been able to wear for over 2 years.  I'm thinking ok I will try some pants on with buttons and zippers!  Wrong!  I obviously tried on a size or 2 that didn't fit me and then tried another size bigger and couldn't get those buttoned either!  Then had to see my huge bloated belly in that big mirror!  Ok so wont do that again any time soon!  I did however do very good at dinner we ate at Ruby Tuesdays and because I brought half of my food home and drank water with dinner I only ate 408 calories!  On the way home we went by Wendy's my normal size husband love vanilla frosty's!  He asked me if I wanted any thing I thought of how depressed I was about the fitting room & for a split second thought why bother!  I said just for a split second!  By the way chocolate frosty are much better! haha 

I feel good! nanananana na!

     I think I'm gonna have to get rid of the pants I was wearing to day they look pretty hideous on me!  They are way too big!  Yea, that's right I said big!  Wow that feels good!  I have been yo yowing for most of my life!  I want to start getting rid of big clothes for EVER!  So, since Jan. I have lost about 25 lbs.  I have such a long way to go but that's OK!  I'm in for the long hall!  The other day me and hubby went to the grocery store usually he drops me off at the door.  Because he's a good man and my dad taught him well! ha-ha  And he knows I'm lazy and don't want to walk that far!  He likes to park far away.  Well on Sunday he was getting ready to drop me off and I said just go park.  He looked at me and said I like the new you! YAY!  I like the new me also!

Thank God today is over!

     What a crazy crazy day!  So this mourning I had to take my daughter to the hospital for outpatient surgery!  So I got up got ready and called her and to see if she was up yet?  Well she has a big problem with getting up in the mourning and she didn't answer her phone!  I drive over there to pick her up and she still hasn't answered her phone.  I do have a key to her house but my son has it with him and he is like 35 miles away!  So I call her boyfriend who she lives with and he said her best friend has a key.  I try to call her like 4x no answer!  Great huh!  She is supposed to be there at 10 by now it like 9:50 she's only 10 mins away but still no answer!  Her friend finally calls me back and says her husband took her van and she doesn't have enough car seats to come over with all the kids!  By the way she watches my granddaughter and she spent the night with her last night! Well I know your thinking get to the point!  Sorry I have a tendency to make a long story!  I finally got in the house at 10:25 and she called and they told her to come in any ways!  Thank God!!!  She had the surgery everything went well and I am praising the Lord!

I'm so ready to start this challenge!  I seriously need the accountability!

Wish me luck!

Call me Crazy?!

     So had a pretty busy weekend!  On Friday night our precious little granddaughter spent the night!  Love her so much!  Then on Saturday we spent most of the day and evening at a Christian Festival it was nice!  We heard bands playing and they had free food and lots of stuff for the kids!  We stood in line for an hour to get free hot dogs.  I took 2 but gave one away!  I think I did good!  I'm trying to learn how to read my body and listen to it for a change and stop eating when I'm full!  Later that night we went to my sister in laws and ate some homemade fried chicken!  YUMMY! I ate a few pieces of potatoes and corn on the cob.  Later she made some new microwave carmel popcorn and she plops a bowl in my lap!  The old me would have eating all of it.  I had a few handfuls and put it down.  She asked me if I didn't like it?  I told her it was good and that I'm really trying not to snack after dinner.  I did also eat 1 little bite size and I do mean bite size butterfinger! But that's all!

Sunday got up early went to church!  I love my church!  Went home worked out took a nap then made stuffed cabbage!  Yummy! 

So, here it is Tuesday I weighed my self this A.M. 3.2lbs more then Friday???????  The old me would have said what the heck?  I might as well eat as much as I want it's not doing any good anyways?  But then the new little voice said that would be really dumb!!  So I didn't listen to the old me!  HAHAHA!  I'm sounding a little crazy right now!  But that's not the crazy thing I'm talking about last week I stumbled upon a website the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans!  Well they are having a Shrinkvivor Challenge and I was kinda nervous about it but I signed up!  I've never done any thing like this before and I'm kinda scared!  I guess I don't fully trust myself yet?  So last night I was sitting on the couch watching TV & the old me said well since you are going to have to start being accountable for how much you lose you could pig out right now one last binge before you start the challenge!  Right? Why not?  Then I realized that was the old way of thinking I have to change that kind of attitude if I ever want to change my life?!  So I didn't eat anything!  YAY! 
     The Challenge starts tomorrow!

Wish me luck!

My journey continues!

     I'm in a very good place right now!  I don't ever want to give up!  In the past I can do this good for 3-5 months.  And then I take my well deserved break! Ha!  That's pretty much the end of that!  I slowly overtime start to gain weight back!  So why do I keep doing this to myself?  Who knows?  I do know that I don't want to do it again!  I want to feel like I do now!  Motivated! Strong! Happy with my choices!  What do I do it this time?  So I don't make the same mistakes like all the other times I've tried and failed?  I want my life back!  I don't want to be trapped in this over sized bloated shell that I carry around everyday.  I want the thin me that I haven't seen in almost 30 years so escape!  I will do this!  Everyday I need to remember how much I want this!  And never forget it!  I'm on my way I haven't been this weight for 3 or 4 years it feels good!  My pants are getting very baggy and I wore a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear In a long long time!  I WANT THIS!!!!!!

More peace when I go to sleep!

     I am thankful when I lay my head down at night that I am changing my life!  It feels so good to be in control of food!  I love it!  Food no longer controls me!  But to be perfectly honest I'm still scared!  I have been through this so many times I don't want to fail again!  I have felt this strong before and still ended up here again!  I want this to be the LAST time!  I am learning so much from all the blogs Ive read and the book I'm reading now.  It all makes so much sense now!  I'm hoping with all the knowledge I have learned this will be it for me.  It really feels like it!  I guess I can only do one day at a time?  I'm happy with myself tonight I really wanted to make a plate of nachos for my self but I overcame the temptation.  Can you believe I actually opened the bag of chips and only ate 1 chip!!!!!  I am really trying to focus on our
God giving ability to eat only when I'm hungry and STOP eating when I'm not! 


Wish me luck!

Will I change my life forever? I hope so!

     I started reading a book called The Weigh Down Diet.  So far It's starting to make a lot of sense.  It says that being on a diet makes people focus too much on food!  That's so true!  I am going to change my life once and for All! I WILL CHANGE!  I was down 2 lbs on Sunday but then was back up on Monday?  Lost  1 lb of that this mourning.  I didn't feel like working out tonight but I did.  I have noticed what a difference it has made on my weight loss journey.

I am in a very good place right now!?

     I had another good night!  Instead of ordering pizza like my husband wanted to I put some potatoes and squash in the oven to roast while I went to work out on weights.  When I was done I seasoned some boneless pork chops and my hubby cooked them on the grill!  Much healthier then pizza and not too much work!  I succeeded in not eating any snacks after dinner either! YAY!  The scale said I lost another 2lbs!  Woooo Hoooo!  Notice I said the scale said! HAHA!  Not sure I believe it yet?  So my plan for this weekend is eat in MODERATION!  (That was thurs night) 

Ive been thinking about all the times I have successfully lost a large amount of weight I just knew I will never ever be this fat again!  So, how do you know when you will finally win at the losing battle?  I guess I just have to have faith that I can do this once and for all!  I want to live a normal life.  I want to control food I don't want food to control me anymore. I had a really good weekend actually lost more weight.  I never lose weight on the weekends.  But I did control my appetite and did not eat any snacks after dinner.  I feel strong now determined.  I want this so bad I know I will have to change my life if I want this to work and never do this to myself again.

Well I'm one of the few people who has to go to work tomorrow!!  Better get to bed.

Oh happy day!

     I was thrilled today when I got on the scale.  I weighed less then I have in 2 or 3 years!  YAY!  I need to get and stay more motivated!  I'm feeling more energized!  I read all these blogs with normal everyday people who are winning the losing battle!  I want to WIN also!

Wish me luck!