Friday was ok I did have a pity party for myself and invited my husband to join in, much to his dismay. I have been going to the drs a lot lately and had so many tests. So far all good. Thank God! I guess I got my feelings hurt because I felt like my husband and my two daughters should have asked me if I had got any results from the last test I had done.. No one asked about it? I felt like they take me for granted everyone is so wrapped in there own problems no one seems to care about mine!
Saturday I actually went on the metro to go to DC with my daughters and granddaughter. My husnband was helping his brother with something sothe girls and I planned a day outing. I would have never, ever, did I say ever? wanted to go anywhere that required much walking. I was felt pretty confident since I have been going walking almost everyday. It felt so good to be able to enjoy that with my girls. We had a good time. My granddaughter wanted to be carried a lot so we took turns and even though she only weighs about 32lbs it was still hard and it was hot outside so that made it worse. I can really tell a big difference in my energy level and being able to walk and not get so tired. It was getting late and we had not eaten for about 5 hours so we started looking for a place to eat. We found a hole in the wall was probably not the best food choice I should have eaten but I ordered a steak and cheese and fries. I gave half of the sub to my daughter and ate a few fries. I knew I could have splurged if I wanted to we ended up walking for at least 4.5 hours that day. I am learning not to over induldge when I feel I have deserved it. what kind of reward is that? Its the kind that got me to pack on at one point in time 200 lbs more then I should have. I am greatful to say......... I am now only 125lbs more then I should be. It feels weird to say that only 125......... that is still so much to think about losing! I need to focus on how far I have come and not so much how far I still need to go. That can be rather overwhelming. So after we dropped off my oldest daughter we headed home. When we were about 1 mile from home we almost got into a very serious accident. A sherriff's car made a u turn right in front of us I had to slam on my breaks and swerve to the other lane to avoid hitting him. It was such a close call. How scarey. Thank God for taking over the wheel cause I could have lost control of the car also. We made it home safe, shook up, and thankful.
Sunday went to church. My sunday school teacher was out of town and I volenteered to take over the class but..... the only person in the class was me and hubby. Someone else showed up later but I was praising God just being able to be there and not in the hospital or even worse.....
I found out last week someone I care about deeply in our church was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 cancer I am devastated to hear about that. So what does all this add up to? A complete and utter breakdown. I unloaded on my sister. I told her how it was unfair about the cancer. My dad is still recovering slowly from his stomach cancer surgery in April. I told her how I felt taken for granted. I told her all the regrets I have for the time I've lost in my lifetime because of my unhealthy relationship with food. It all spilled out. It overflowed and it felt great. I had a pit in my stomach most of the day and it was finally gone.
Monday I am loving my life. I am a few pounds away from losing the first 50lbs and guess what? No breaks are planned no celebratory meal. JUST 50LBS CLOSER TO MY GOAL. AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Good for you. You've come a long way baby and it sounds like all the positive reinforcement thinking is sinking in. I'm glad you had someone to unload on ... bearing your soul sometimes really helps.
ReplyDeleteIt most certainly did. It felt good!
ReplyDelete