I'm proud!

I did 2 things I haven't ever done before today!
1 I went for a walk while everyone was
still sleeping. ( I never walk)

2 I went to Red Robin and got a burger without a bun and salad instead of fries!! I usually get the buffalo clucks and fries which are about 2000 calories I found out today!! Wow!! Didn't know!! Didn't care!
I do now! Thanks my fitness pal!!

Here's what I have learned today!

First of all I would like to give praises to God!! With his help and grace everything went better then I expected with the colonoscopy!!! Thank you Jesus!! Everything looked good!! I do however have to go back next week for an endoscopy.

So I have been very successful on my current journey of weight loss. I was thinking why hasn't God answered my prayers before when I asked him to help me with this? I didn't want to do things the hard way!!! I wanted a miracle. I wanted overnight success. I wanted to go to bed morbidly obese and wake up perfectly skinny!! I know that God is mighty I know he can do anything so why not this!? I now understand that he is right here with me everyday every step of the way leading me, encouraging me. What would I possibly learn with an overnight miracle?! Absolutely nothing!! I know he has been so patiently waiting for me to open the door and let him in to lead me on my path to my final destination HEALTHY!!

Thank you Lord for loving me the same fat or skinny. Near to you or far away! You love me all the same!

Colonoscopy test day! YUCK

I know this isn't something people normally discuss, but since I really don't have any followers that are still with me it's no big deal! I treat it as my diary. Do I wish there were people following me? Sure! Do I blame them for not sticking around? Heck no!'. Anyways I had to only have liquid for the last 24 hrs! Did it kill me? No!! The only reason it didn't us because food right now today, this week, hopefully this month? Is not in control of me!! I now control food!! Food is not the most important thing in my life today!! Will that last!? I hope so with God's help!! I want him to control me!! So in the last 24 hrs I have had 2 ginger-ales, I sprite (btw not diet). I have pretty much cut sodas out of my life completely diet ones too! 3 sugar free jello's, a couple cups of beef broth and a cup of chicken broth a coffee and ice tea!! Oh yea some pretty nasty stuff I had to drink to clear out my system!! That of course was the worst part. The liter I had to drink last night was bad and I thought for sure I was going to throw up!! I had to wake up at 4 a.m to drink more!! I thought there is no way I'm going to be able to do that!! So after 3 hrs of sleep I first prayed!! And I managed to get thru it!! Thank you Jesus!!! Couldn't have done it without you!! So I'm going to leave now just wanted to say how mighty and powerful our wonderful Lord is today and everyday!!

Amen!

The hand I was dealt?

It's early in the morning I'm thinking about how perfect it was! The wedding that is!! It was so beautiful!! I danced my butt off too!! Had a blast! Must have looked like a complete fool!! Haha That's ok, I can live with that! I was thinking at least I lost some weight before the wedding. Not a whole lot about 30 lbs!
I was thinking I looked pretty good. I was ok with what I saw in the mirror but then you see the pictures!! No! Not reality!! Don't like that so much. I tell myself oh well that was the hand you were dealt! WHAT!! I dealt myself that hand. No one gave that to me. I ate that hand. The whole deck as a matter of fact! WHY?? I don't know but I'm on a mission to find out! If I can unlock that door maybe I can find myself? Let myself out!? Let me be free of these chains. This 150 lb chain that I have been carrying with me all these years. One heavy link at a time. Piece by piece. Link by link. I'm afraid to say it. This one last time. How many times have I told myself that? How many times have I told my family that?? Too many to count. It was a lie. Every single time. I have the pounds to prove it!! The pounds don't lie. They laugh at me. Challenge me. Say yea right we will see? So this is the mystery I'm going to unlock.

Where am I at today!

I'm still in a good place have lost more weight! I keep thinking I'm going to go back to my old patterns!? Can I take this ride all the way to the exit?? Why have I never been able to do it before?? What is my problem that I don't feel I'm worth or it's worth the effort?? I feel so good when I'm controlling food! Why so I let it start controlling me again? I need to reflect back see where I went wrong. See where I can change! I'm at such a loss right now I feel helpless!! I'm so broken!! I'm going to continue to reflect on things monitor my self more closely! See what I can do different this time!??

Company's coming to town!!

My family is on their way here from Texas!! Yay!! Can't wait to see everyone!! My dad is recovering from stomach cancer! He is doing better he had surgery in April and ended up in the hospital for 5 1/2 weeks. Poor thing as of now though he is cancer free!! Yippee!!

I'm a little worried about the weekend eating tho. With the rehearsal dinner and the wedding not sure how that is going to work out? I don't really trust myself. I have a pattern you see. When I go off my diet I get carried away you see!! My dr said to just take it 1 day at a time! Maybe If I don't say those words "taking a break" yea that doesn't work for me!

Well I guess I will find out soon enough if I'm cut out for this thing this time...........