So much time has passed. So many things have changed.

So here I am July 5th 2016. It has been since December 2012. I was at my lowest weight in many many years. And where am I now?? Since then I have been all over the place. Today as of right now. I am 45lbs higher then what I was then. So I gained more then half of the weight I had lost. So much has happened I would give anything and everything if I could turn back time.  So where to start. In March 2013 my 1st grandson was stillborn. That was just the beginning of the never ending nightmare that is currently my life. In June of the same year 2013. My father lost his battle with cancer. In 2014 my husband had his first knee replacement. That went pretty well he was feeling much better on that side. He decided the following January 2015 to have the second knee done. That one was a little more difficult. In August we had to go to the hospital after a visit to the clinic referred us they though he had developed an infection in his knee. Sure enough he had. Pretty deviating news. After several hospital stays he ended up passing away in October 2015. I could not believe this had really happened!  So after he passed I went through a time where I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and as much as I wanted. I really didn't care much about myself after that. Still don't really. I wished I had been the one gone. He was always in great shape. Very active. He I was about 150lbs overweight but he's the one gone!? What??? Why???  Fast forward  8-1/2 months later. I have decided that it's timeI start  doing something about how I feel. If I can't have my husband back the only thing I can control about my happiness about my destination is what I decide to do about it. At first I thought there is no way I can lose weight and be thin. That would betray my husband who loved me so. How could I be thin now?  Why couldn't I do it for him?  I have lost about 13 pounds in the last month and a half. I'm getting started on making better choices. I don't know where this will end. Right noemi can only take one day at a time. That's all I can do right now.