The hand I was dealt?

It's early in the morning I'm thinking about how perfect it was! The wedding that is!! It was so beautiful!! I danced my butt off too!! Had a blast! Must have looked like a complete fool!! Haha That's ok, I can live with that! I was thinking at least I lost some weight before the wedding. Not a whole lot about 30 lbs!
I was thinking I looked pretty good. I was ok with what I saw in the mirror but then you see the pictures!! No! Not reality!! Don't like that so much. I tell myself oh well that was the hand you were dealt! WHAT!! I dealt myself that hand. No one gave that to me. I ate that hand. The whole deck as a matter of fact! WHY?? I don't know but I'm on a mission to find out! If I can unlock that door maybe I can find myself? Let myself out!? Let me be free of these chains. This 150 lb chain that I have been carrying with me all these years. One heavy link at a time. Piece by piece. Link by link. I'm afraid to say it. This one last time. How many times have I told myself that? How many times have I told my family that?? Too many to count. It was a lie. Every single time. I have the pounds to prove it!! The pounds don't lie. They laugh at me. Challenge me. Say yea right we will see? So this is the mystery I'm going to unlock.