Where am I at today!

I'm still in a good place have lost more weight! I keep thinking I'm going to go back to my old patterns!? Can I take this ride all the way to the exit?? Why have I never been able to do it before?? What is my problem that I don't feel I'm worth or it's worth the effort?? I feel so good when I'm controlling food! Why so I let it start controlling me again? I need to reflect back see where I went wrong. See where I can change! I'm at such a loss right now I feel helpless!! I'm so broken!! I'm going to continue to reflect on things monitor my self more closely! See what I can do different this time!??