Colonoscopy test day! YUCK

I know this isn't something people normally discuss, but since I really don't have any followers that are still with me it's no big deal! I treat it as my diary. Do I wish there were people following me? Sure! Do I blame them for not sticking around? Heck no!'. Anyways I had to only have liquid for the last 24 hrs! Did it kill me? No!! The only reason it didn't us because food right now today, this week, hopefully this month? Is not in control of me!! I now control food!! Food is not the most important thing in my life today!! Will that last!? I hope so with God's help!! I want him to control me!! So in the last 24 hrs I have had 2 ginger-ales, I sprite (btw not diet). I have pretty much cut sodas out of my life completely diet ones too! 3 sugar free jello's, a couple cups of beef broth and a cup of chicken broth a coffee and ice tea!! Oh yea some pretty nasty stuff I had to drink to clear out my system!! That of course was the worst part. The liter I had to drink last night was bad and I thought for sure I was going to throw up!! I had to wake up at 4 a.m to drink more!! I thought there is no way I'm going to be able to do that!! So after 3 hrs of sleep I first prayed!! And I managed to get thru it!! Thank you Jesus!!! Couldn't have done it without you!! So I'm going to leave now just wanted to say how mighty and powerful our wonderful Lord is today and everyday!!

Amen!

The hand I was dealt?

It's early in the morning I'm thinking about how perfect it was! The wedding that is!! It was so beautiful!! I danced my butt off too!! Had a blast! Must have looked like a complete fool!! Haha That's ok, I can live with that! I was thinking at least I lost some weight before the wedding. Not a whole lot about 30 lbs!
I was thinking I looked pretty good. I was ok with what I saw in the mirror but then you see the pictures!! No! Not reality!! Don't like that so much. I tell myself oh well that was the hand you were dealt! WHAT!! I dealt myself that hand. No one gave that to me. I ate that hand. The whole deck as a matter of fact! WHY?? I don't know but I'm on a mission to find out! If I can unlock that door maybe I can find myself? Let myself out!? Let me be free of these chains. This 150 lb chain that I have been carrying with me all these years. One heavy link at a time. Piece by piece. Link by link. I'm afraid to say it. This one last time. How many times have I told myself that? How many times have I told my family that?? Too many to count. It was a lie. Every single time. I have the pounds to prove it!! The pounds don't lie. They laugh at me. Challenge me. Say yea right we will see? So this is the mystery I'm going to unlock.

Where am I at today!

I'm still in a good place have lost more weight! I keep thinking I'm going to go back to my old patterns!? Can I take this ride all the way to the exit?? Why have I never been able to do it before?? What is my problem that I don't feel I'm worth or it's worth the effort?? I feel so good when I'm controlling food! Why so I let it start controlling me again? I need to reflect back see where I went wrong. See where I can change! I'm at such a loss right now I feel helpless!! I'm so broken!! I'm going to continue to reflect on things monitor my self more closely! See what I can do different this time!??

Company's coming to town!!

My family is on their way here from Texas!! Yay!! Can't wait to see everyone!! My dad is recovering from stomach cancer! He is doing better he had surgery in April and ended up in the hospital for 5 1/2 weeks. Poor thing as of now though he is cancer free!! Yippee!!

I'm a little worried about the weekend eating tho. With the rehearsal dinner and the wedding not sure how that is going to work out? I don't really trust myself. I have a pattern you see. When I go off my diet I get carried away you see!! My dr said to just take it 1 day at a time! Maybe If I don't say those words "taking a break" yea that doesn't work for me!

Well I guess I will find out soon enough if I'm cut out for this thing this time...........

I'm back!!

Today I feel better!!

      Ok so a lot has been going on!  Up down, up down!  I had not realized how far up I was, because my scale said 283-286.  When I went to the Dr's in March his scale said 297! whoops! Wow!! Shocker!! I had no idea I was creeping that close to 300 again!! How could it be??  Was it because I ate whatever I wanted?  Was it because the first time in 61/2 years I thought it was ok to drink real sodas again?!  Either way I was out of control.  I had stopped checking my blood sugar.  I had stopped taking half of my meds!  I don't know what happened to me why do I go so far off the deep end??  I had wanted to lose weight before my daughters wedding which is Sat by the way!!  I had absolutely NO motivation.  What did I tell my Dr?  I don't know what happened to me I had gained 15 lbs the 3 months before I went to see him and here I was another 15lbs!!

So, I decided to first of all before I went back to the Drs I knew I needed to get under some control!! I decided the first thing was to cut out soda!! So I did!! diet ones too!!  In thinking about that now I probably weighed more then 300 before I did that I just didn't have a good scale!!  Then I started cutting back on snacking and eating to much sugary stuff. I tried to cut back on my intake of everything..  I was doing pretty good!  On my scale I was down about 10lbs.  Then one day I lost 20lbs then 2days later I gained 10lbs!!  So do you get where I'm going here?? Yep it was time to invest in a new scale!!  Well that wasn't fun either It was 6lbs more then the highest number on my old scale so now I have gained 16lbs!!What the H***!!!

On Mon. April 30th a customer came in to my store and I noticed he had lost a significant amount of weight I asked him what his secret was even though I was a little afraid it was because he was ill??   No,  it was because he had started using the my fitness pal app on his iPhone!!  I had joined that a long time ago but was never consistent!  Go figure!!  Any ways he also told me his wife who had more to lose then him had been using it for a year and had already lost 100lbs!!  Wow!! that's for me.. 

It has been 50 days and the good news is I went back to my Dr today and I have lost 26lbs!!! YAY me!! I am still about 8lbs away form my lowest weight in 2010,  But I'm getting there!!  I have to admit I am scared tho. 

I talked to my Dr about that today he told me just take it one day at a time!!  Who knows maybe this time................

Wish me luck!

Where has the time gone?

I am up on my weight and I have lost some already but I am not motivated. I'm going to get re-motivated!!!! I'm going to start using the my fitness app. We will see how it goes!