God please help me!

I have been struggling with my weight for most of my life!  I always thought if I ever lose all my weight then, then, I will never be fat again! haha! The most weight I lost was 85 lbs back in 2004! I said so many times I will never ever gain all this weight back!  Well I was right I didn't gain all of it back just 50 lbs or so!  I do give my self credit tho It was the very first time that I didn't gain it all back and more!  I think the only reason that is because in 2004 I found out I was diabetic so I don't use sugar any more for my coffee and tea and only drink diet soda!  Lately I have been trying to go back to where it all went wrong?  I thought maybe if I could figure out what happened I could fix it and then I would be thin forever????  Sounds good right?  Hmmmm?  Well either way I have to change my eating habits and do more exercise! I want to be healthy I want to shop at any store in the mall! I want to wear cute clothes! I want freedom from this bloated body! Freedom from food! I want to be in control!