Today is another day!

It's a wonderful day when you have accomplished your goals! Resist temptation!! That is a struggle daily. I have been able to do it pretty consistently for 3 whole months now. I know everyday I'm doing things I have never ever done before. I have convinced myself that this time is different. I have been questioning myself will it be different this time?
Will I succeed? Will I finally for once in my life since I got married do what I need to do to get to the goal??? The answer is absolutely YES!! Why? Because this time I'm not going to lean on my own devices I'm really truly giving it all to God! And he not me will get all the glory!!

Trying to press on!

I am doing really good with my eating still and I have also started walking too! So why did I only lose 1 lb this week?? And then on Monday morning it was right back!! I know and am truly confidant that I did not gain a lb!! I have been keeping track of all my calories with my fitness pal!! I'm obsessed with it!! I'm even getting pretty annoying!! I keep telling my husband how many calories everything he eats and he doesn't need to lose weight so......... Yea annoying!! So I'm so confident that with Gods help gong to do this!!

Had a wonderful day!

Me and hubby and our two daughters spent the day together! We took a drive to Harpers Ferry, WV. Had a great time we walked around downtown they have a lot of civil war museums. We walked and walked and walked. I didn't get tired at all!!! I'm carrying around 42 less then I was a few months ago. It's so amazing to be able to spend time with my family having fun enjoying life again. It feels awesome. Pretty sure it's been at least 7 years since I was at this weight. I want to continue getting my life back once and for all.

Enjoying life again!

I'm feeling so good right now so strong!! Hope to keep up this feeling!! I know with Gods help I will overcome!! I got up early this morning and walked for almost an hour!! We went out to eat 2x today and I still only at 700 cals for both meals!! Amazing grace!!

We can run but we can't hide! (well some of us can run)

We are a walking billboard for our addiction!! There are so many people out there with problems way worse then ours but theirs doesn't show! Everyday we walk by people that maybe beat their family, addicted to porn, are child molesters, rob people, kill people,you get the picture! They can hide from their addictions most people besides their victims will never know? It's not written all over them like ours is. All over our chubby faces, our big thighs, it's everywhere, people know our addiction. They think we are weak, lazy, out if control! Eat all
the time. I don't want to be one of those people anymore. I want to be strong and energetic. I want to run and hide if I want to.

I was not an overweight child I want to find out where I turned the corner to obesity...... If I can find that out I can hopefully solve the mystery and get my life back. The one I was meant to live. The one without regrets. The one without limitations.

Yummy dinner

I'm eating a really good dinner I had to put it out there! I made triple health English muffin pizzas and I also tried the thin round multigrain bread. I put marinara,low fat mozzarella, turkey pepperoni, banana peppers, lean ham, marinated mushrooms and for all 4 it was only 445 calories delish!!

No more excuses

I have been going strong for 3.5 months now!  Feeling pretty good I am down 38lbs since then.  I am still motivated.  The secret this time is My Fitness Pal app on my phone.  It keeps me constantly aware of all of my calories.  I try to plan ahead before we go out to eat (which we still do a lot)) but I make much better choices.  This is about the time where I usually struggle.  At about the 3 month mark I start to get tired of keeping track of everything that is going in my mouth..  But guess what so far I don't feel like that as a matter of fact I'm addicted to counting calories..  Its crazy!  But its my life right now, today right this second.  Can I keep it up?? I don't know I sure hope so!  For once in my life I want to do this go all the way, cross the finish line, go the distance..........

Good healthy lunch!

I'm feeling so good today! I feel good with where I'm going on this latest journey!! I love when I am in control what happens to make me lose that feeling of accomplishment? Why do I give up? How can I hold on to this? This time what can I do different so I don't have to lose the same weight I lost a few times before? WHY???? I'm going to do my very best this time to find that out!! Let's do this!!

I'm proud!

I did 2 things I haven't ever done before today!
1 I went for a walk while everyone was
still sleeping. ( I never walk)

2 I went to Red Robin and got a burger without a bun and salad instead of fries!! I usually get the buffalo clucks and fries which are about 2000 calories I found out today!! Wow!! Didn't know!! Didn't care!
I do now! Thanks my fitness pal!!

Here's what I have learned today!

First of all I would like to give praises to God!! With his help and grace everything went better then I expected with the colonoscopy!!! Thank you Jesus!! Everything looked good!! I do however have to go back next week for an endoscopy.

So I have been very successful on my current journey of weight loss. I was thinking why hasn't God answered my prayers before when I asked him to help me with this? I didn't want to do things the hard way!!! I wanted a miracle. I wanted overnight success. I wanted to go to bed morbidly obese and wake up perfectly skinny!! I know that God is mighty I know he can do anything so why not this!? I now understand that he is right here with me everyday every step of the way leading me, encouraging me. What would I possibly learn with an overnight miracle?! Absolutely nothing!! I know he has been so patiently waiting for me to open the door and let him in to lead me on my path to my final destination HEALTHY!!

Thank you Lord for loving me the same fat or skinny. Near to you or far away! You love me all the same!

Colonoscopy test day! YUCK

I know this isn't something people normally discuss, but since I really don't have any followers that are still with me it's no big deal! I treat it as my diary. Do I wish there were people following me? Sure! Do I blame them for not sticking around? Heck no!'. Anyways I had to only have liquid for the last 24 hrs! Did it kill me? No!! The only reason it didn't us because food right now today, this week, hopefully this month? Is not in control of me!! I now control food!! Food is not the most important thing in my life today!! Will that last!? I hope so with God's help!! I want him to control me!! So in the last 24 hrs I have had 2 ginger-ales, I sprite (btw not diet). I have pretty much cut sodas out of my life completely diet ones too! 3 sugar free jello's, a couple cups of beef broth and a cup of chicken broth a coffee and ice tea!! Oh yea some pretty nasty stuff I had to drink to clear out my system!! That of course was the worst part. The liter I had to drink last night was bad and I thought for sure I was going to throw up!! I had to wake up at 4 a.m to drink more!! I thought there is no way I'm going to be able to do that!! So after 3 hrs of sleep I first prayed!! And I managed to get thru it!! Thank you Jesus!!! Couldn't have done it without you!! So I'm going to leave now just wanted to say how mighty and powerful our wonderful Lord is today and everyday!!

Amen!

The hand I was dealt?

It's early in the morning I'm thinking about how perfect it was! The wedding that is!! It was so beautiful!! I danced my butt off too!! Had a blast! Must have looked like a complete fool!! Haha That's ok, I can live with that! I was thinking at least I lost some weight before the wedding. Not a whole lot about 30 lbs!
I was thinking I looked pretty good. I was ok with what I saw in the mirror but then you see the pictures!! No! Not reality!! Don't like that so much. I tell myself oh well that was the hand you were dealt! WHAT!! I dealt myself that hand. No one gave that to me. I ate that hand. The whole deck as a matter of fact! WHY?? I don't know but I'm on a mission to find out! If I can unlock that door maybe I can find myself? Let myself out!? Let me be free of these chains. This 150 lb chain that I have been carrying with me all these years. One heavy link at a time. Piece by piece. Link by link. I'm afraid to say it. This one last time. How many times have I told myself that? How many times have I told my family that?? Too many to count. It was a lie. Every single time. I have the pounds to prove it!! The pounds don't lie. They laugh at me. Challenge me. Say yea right we will see? So this is the mystery I'm going to unlock.

Where am I at today!

I'm still in a good place have lost more weight! I keep thinking I'm going to go back to my old patterns!? Can I take this ride all the way to the exit?? Why have I never been able to do it before?? What is my problem that I don't feel I'm worth or it's worth the effort?? I feel so good when I'm controlling food! Why so I let it start controlling me again? I need to reflect back see where I went wrong. See where I can change! I'm at such a loss right now I feel helpless!! I'm so broken!! I'm going to continue to reflect on things monitor my self more closely! See what I can do different this time!??