Monday

I'm doing ok today not to busy at work so I find myself wanting to eat. I don't know why boredom causes me to want to eat? I'm thankful I'm still in a good place that even when I want to snack I keep a good amount of healthy and/or low calorie snacks to keep me in line. I am now starting on my 4th month of tracking all my daily calories. This is most definitely a record for me if I can keep this up for 6 months then I know I've turned a corner. One in the right direction for a change. Life is so much sweeter when food is just fuel and not a reward or comfort. I'm reading a book and I have learned some very interesting things. Things I have never given a lot if thought to.

God is my support, my wisdom, my control and deliverer. He is with me he will get me to the end and he has so many great things in store for me when I get to where he needs me to be.

Thank you Jesus for loving incomplete people!

Coming along way but.........

So I am still going strong and making good choices. I am thrilled about the weight I have lost 44lbs now since April. I feel so much better for sure. I don't think I realize how much better it feels when I move around. Just getting off the couch is a struggle some days when you weigh almost 300lbs. But not anymore. Last week I carried my granddaughter up the stairs she only weighs 35lbs it was much easier then it used to be but I thought wow! This is how much I used to carry up everyday and more! That felt good!!! So here is the but...... When I walk by a mirror and see my profile my stomach is still so big!! I know it has gone down sooooo much since I started but when I see that, it's like I haven't even begun. I know it's going to take so much more time to get where I want to, need to be. I WILL get there. Now on the other hand..... Because with me the glass is always half full. I do like the way I look from the front view. Or should I say as I told my husband a few weeks ago. I'm not loving what I see in the mirror but I don't hate it either!! That's an accomplishment. Yesterday my husband said wow you are really moving your seat up much closer the you used to. He reminded me that I used to complain when I got in after him that he had my seat up so close. He said now when he gets in he has to move it back. Hehe!! So many things are changing on my body I can feel my knee bone sticking out more which I love. I have for so many years have has such fat knees and legs. That's the worst. Well I'm getting somewhere. I just need to keep it going. Can't wait to see all the many more changes my body will keep making. I absolutely LOVE it. It actually feels go to be me.........

I had a major crisis at steak and shake yesterday. On the way there I was looking up calories of their menu items. I had kind of narrowed it down as to what I would order. (I do this before we go anywhere to eat) I think planning ahead helps to make good choices. So anyways. I got in there and threw all caution to the wind and saw a skillet breakfast. It had portabello mushrooms eggs cheese hash browns so I
went for it. Then she said what would you like with it? Toast, bagel, PANCAKES?? So even tho pancakes are not a huge thing for me I ordered them. I figured I could use sugar free syrup. Anyways after the waitress leaves I look up the calories and it says 1040 calories. Omg! I started to have a complete panic attack!! Just the night before I had been thinking about that. I don't think I could ever even If I allowed myself. Even if God told me they wouldn't count, even if I had run 10 miles would I ever eat a 2000 calorie meal. Not even 1000 calories. So here I was ordering a 1040 calorie breakfast plus pancakes. What was I thinking. Who was that person who ordered that meal without even checking first?? Not me! Not the new me! So in a panic mode when the waitress stopped by to bring more coffee I asked her if it were to late to change my order?? After a few times going back and forth she assured me it wasn't a problem if u changed it. Thank God! So I ordered something with only 330 calories whew. Crisis averted!! YES!!

McDonalds stinks!

I ordered large coffee with 3 cream and 4 Splenda ( I used to get 5 creams and 5 Splenda). But now that I know 1 of those little creamers is 20 calories I cut back. Well I got BLACK coffee yuck. I put some Splenda in it and drank half of it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

And that's the new me..................

I'm living and loving life again! I haven't had the best 2 weeks kind of at a stand still I did however lose 2.4 lbs finally. I could understand if I was eating too many calories but I have been tracking every single bite! Literally!! Anyways I'm going to keep going strong I have a mission........

The people you hate

You know those people you hate that? The ones that can open a bag of chips and only eat a few! Well guess what that's me!!!! Yep hate me please! Haha. I have done that. Yes I have done it more then once too! Because I count every single calorie I put in my mouth I am very careful. I bought a new Pringles can on tues franks red hot. So yummy. I have eaten a total of 13 chips. I ate 7 the first time 3 the next time and 3 again today on my way home. They have 10 calories per chip. So I'm careful. Well anyways I just wanted to put that out there..........

I am redeemed!

I am set free! That is my new motto I found a song that has set me free.


Songwriters: COWART, BENJI / WEAVER, MICHAEL

Seems like all I can see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight that's already been won"


I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off theses heavy chains
Wipe away every stain now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember oh God, You're not done with me yet

I don't have to be the old man inside of me
Cause his day is long dead and gone
I've got a new name, a new life I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

God is with me every step of the way he is not only right beside me he is a few steps in front of me. I know now and am confident that I will get through this I truly feel it in my heart. I can't keep worrying about the ghost in my past..........

The faces I want to forget

Well really I never want to forget what I have done to myself. But what I have accomplished and what I will continue to accomplish.

I'm holding on strong

I was disappointed again today when I got on the scale and the lb I dropped again was back plus .4. So did I get discouraged yes!! Will it change any thing about how I will eat no!! No mater what that scale says everyday I will not let that be an excuse to give up I am determined to push through this day after day!! Week after week. Month after month. I'm gonna win! This fight once and for all! And when I do I'm going to help so many other people do this too! But I will not take any of the credit I will give all the Glory to the Lord!! The one that has always been there for me the one that's getting me through this step by step.

So I started thinking about people who have not said a word to me about the 42lbs I've lost since April. I feel like so they not see or do they just not care? Or am I so fat that fat is fat is fat?? Ok so I'm just less fat! Why do I care If they care?? Is it going to change anything? Am I doing it for them? Why do I feel like I need recognition? So I'm not going to let that define me anymore.................