So much time has passed. So many things have changed.

So here I am July 5th 2016. It has been since December 2012. I was at my lowest weight in many many years. And where am I now?? Since then I have been all over the place. Today as of right now. I am 45lbs higher then what I was then. So I gained more then half of the weight I had lost. So much has happened I would give anything and everything if I could turn back time.  So where to start. In March 2013 my 1st grandson was stillborn. That was just the beginning of the never ending nightmare that is currently my life. In June of the same year 2013. My father lost his battle with cancer. In 2014 my husband had his first knee replacement. That went pretty well he was feeling much better on that side. He decided the following January 2015 to have the second knee done. That one was a little more difficult. In August we had to go to the hospital after a visit to the clinic referred us they though he had developed an infection in his knee. Sure enough he had. Pretty deviating news. After several hospital stays he ended up passing away in October 2015. I could not believe this had really happened!  So after he passed I went through a time where I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and as much as I wanted. I really didn't care much about myself after that. Still don't really. I wished I had been the one gone. He was always in great shape. Very active. He I was about 150lbs overweight but he's the one gone!? What??? Why???  Fast forward  8-1/2 months later. I have decided that it's timeI start  doing something about how I feel. If I can't have my husband back the only thing I can control about my happiness about my destination is what I decide to do about it. At first I thought there is no way I can lose weight and be thin. That would betray my husband who loved me so. How could I be thin now?  Why couldn't I do it for him?  I have lost about 13 pounds in the last month and a half. I'm getting started on making better choices. I don't know where this will end. Right noemi can only take one day at a time. That's all I can do right now. 

What happened??

I was doing so so good! Then I kinda fell off the wagon!! Ever since Christmas Eve I have been eating all day long!? Well at least it seems that way. My scale says I have gained 5lbs in two days. I don't think that's really possible but I know I have gained a few for sure! I feel really blah!! Ever since I stopped working I feel lazy and unmotivated. I worked out 4 days last week they were closed m-w this week but i couldn't motivate myself enough to go yesterday or today!! I really need to get going again I have a cruise coming up in feb I need to lose more weight before then. I know I'm far from done with what I have planned for my future. I will pick myself up dust myself off and get right back on!! No doubt about that!!

We all have the power to override our choices

I know that I have never been this strong for this long and it feels amazing! I truly feel like I can finally win this battle once and for all. I love the respect and admiration you get from people (mostly family) for the will power to control yourself and to stick to goals you set! Especially when you have been morbidly obese for so long. (And unfortunately still are) You don't have to tell anyone you don't have self control it's all over your body. There is no hiding behind a shelter. There is no shield to protect you. It's out there for everyone to see. But........ When that all changes and your body changes they can see that to. For once in a long, long time they start to believe in you again. Trust in you. Have faith in you. Someone today paid me one of the biggest compliments I've had in a long time. My sister in law asked her daughter in law if she had seen I was there she said what's left of her! Man does that sound good or what?? Every single person has the ability to do what I have done. I have been all over the scale for the last 34 years and now I intend to change that one and for all!

I did it!!

I now weigh 100lbs less then my highest weight!! That makes 70lbs this year! I haven't been at this weight for probably 20 years?? I really wanted to be under 199 but that didn't happen I need to lose another 30lbs for that to happen!! I hope that I get at least close to that before our cruise? If I can stick to this new diet there's a much better chance. I lost 7 lbs in 7 days. But you do have to give up a lot. I plan on sticking to it at least until fri it's hard to stop doing something when you get these kind of results! We were only going to do it 7 days which ended Monday but I'm still sticking to it! Maybe I can stick with it till Christmas eve!? We will see!!??

Happy anniversary

Today is our 34th anniversary and I couldn't be happier. Well I would be even happier if I weighed 100 lbs less I would be about what I was 34 years ago. I am very happy with how far I have come
but we always look at how far we still have to go! Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get there. I defiantly feel more confident then I ever have before so I guess only time will tell? I know most of the time I feel like I'm going to do it but then I think about how far I have to go. I wonder if I'm strong enough it's going to take so long! Everyday that I make sacrifices I think 1 meal isn't going to change anything. It seems sometimes like a worthless attempt. I know it's not cause I keep doing it but somedays are harder then others. As I'm writing this I'm wondering how this started out as a positive entry and turned into this? I guess I've been thinking about it. Why can't I just be happy and thankful for how far I have come?? I have been on a losing streak lately because me and my sister derided to try something for 7 days. She saw a lady on a talk show and she mentioned it to me and I said let's do it for 1 week. We cut out dairy, eggs, sugar , gluten, peanuts, bread, corn! It doesn't sound like much left right? I swear that's why I lost so much weight!? It has been a little tough! But I'm living proof it works I have been eating a lot of salads. And more fruit. It's so much healthier anyways. I plan on trying to continue for a little longer then 7 days? We will see. I have had coffee with no cream. Just Splenda. That is a little hard getting used to. But I did it!! It would be nice to be 100lbs less then my highest weight by the end if the year. I really wanted it to be 100lbs this year and under 200. But that didn't happen. Either way I'm happy!

Happy wife happy life!

Truer words were never spoken! Lets face it we set the tone. Set the mood. For how our day is going to go. How our trip will be. I feel so much better about myself I have so much more energy. I worked out for the very first time ever on vacay!! And that was the 6th day in a row I worked out too. I'm just a much happier person which made our trip that much better. We had a very nice but way to short. trip! It feels good to be truly living life again.

Happy birthday to me!!

I'm so very thankful I get to spend another year with my family!! Everyone is happy and in a good place right now! I am so blessed!! God has been so good to me! I know without him I wouldn't be where I am today!! It's so good to wake up on your birthday and feel good about yourself! I have accomplished so much this year. More then I even imagined!! Still not 100% in love with what I see in the mirror but I no longer hate what I see either. I know now I will finally one day get to where I have always dreamed of being!! God is my strength and my shield! He has already won the battle for me!! Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice!!

I'm getting ready to celebrate my birthday!

I am so thankful for where I am right now! It feels so good to be in a much better place mentally and physically. For once in a very long time I'm excited about another year!! Today was Kenzie's 5yr bday party and I had to prepare so food for it. It felt so good to have the energy to do what I needed to do!! I was finished early and I wasn't tired! And after it was over I wasn't tired either and my feet didn't hurt! Let me repeat that. My feet didn't hurt not even in the least!! Amazing! Incredible! Outstanding!! I love it!! I'm giving all the glory to God!! He is the only reason I am where I am!! And I am so very thankful!!

I made it through another big holiday!

I survived Thanksgiving!  I made it through a holiday without a gain!?  The question is did I?  My scale says I'm up 2lbs. But.... When I went to go workout today the scale said I was the same or maybe .5lbs lower. I'm gonna go with the dr type scale and not my 30$ digital one!  Especially since I'm sure it's a much better scale and I didn't gain!  I guess I did ok. I know I still ate more then I should have but I wasn't uncomfortable so I'd consider that a good thing I didn't stuff myself to the gills!  I think for now until after the beginning of next year I'm going to leave Mfp as a maintain and not lose calorie intake!?  I still want to lose more weight so I'm hoping I will. But I want to give myself the option to enjoy what I want If I want it!?


I started this last week but never finished it. I did change my calories! Haha

Happy Friday!!??

It would be much nicer if I didn't have to work on Saturday but I did have yesterday off!! I will be spending next week all day with my granddaughter. Her mom has been off work for the last 6 weeks and she is going back to work on Monday. I said I would keep her to help her save the money she would have to spend on daycare. I'm only working Monday and Tuesday next week and she can come with me. My hours are only 10-3. So it makes for a pretty short day! She's always good for me so it's no problem. Not much going on on the pool business this time of year! Looking forward to thanksgiving?? Not sure yes and no! I know I will do fine! And I plan to work out everyday so I know that will help!

So super excited about our cruise coming up in February. I feel so good for once in my life I have achieved something I actually hoped for! It feels amazing!! I really love my life right now. I feel good. I'm no longer on diabetes meds. I have new much smaller clothes. My daughter and granddaughter live with us and I get to spend almost everyday with them. My oldest daughter is going to have a baby in May. My son has a new good job! And I will be celebrating our 34th anniversary in dec! Love, love, love it!

So I'm just putting this out there!

Lately I have been thinking about all the attention I will and have been getting since I've lost weight. I catch my self and wonder am I doing this for all the right reasons? I think how nice it will be to not be the fattest person in my family. I'm talking about my extended family. In laws and such. I am still the fattest person in my immediate family!! So why is it that I want the attention for doing something that I need to do for my health?? It's not for more attention?? Is it?? I think about what people will say who haven't seen me in a long time! I imagine they will say wow!! I also think about how it will make someone in my family feel who also needs to lose a lot of weight? Will it make me feel good?? Will it make me feel bad for them?? Should I even be thinking about this stuff?? I haven't talked to anyone about this. It sounds selfish to me to even think about this stuff?? Well that is what going on in my brain. So like I said I'm just putting it out there.

A good week ended with a bad night! Ugh!

I don't know what my problem was last night I wanted to eat anything and everything! I recorded most of it but I'm sure I was way over by more calories then I had down. I guess I was bored I watched 4 episodes of criminal minds and ate a lot!! But it's ok because it's not something I do very often so I can live with one off day! I probably would have eaten even more then I did. I actually did retain some restraint. Sometimes when I think I've eaten a lot I break it all down and realize even when I do go overboard it's never ever like it was in the past. So...... I'm still good! And I know for a fact that today will be a better day because I have proven it to myself that I am not the same! I am about 102 lbs away from my goal weight. Which is almost 100 lbs less then I was at my highest weight and that feels really good!! When I get down to the 199sss I will be on cloud 199!! Haha! I'm gonna get there I have never been surer of that in my life! Oh happy day!! I could actually live with the way I feel right now....... But I won't I have a goal and by golly for once in my life I'm gonna get there and then I will never again be where I am today!! I have decided to join curves again. I was a member in 2005 to 2007. Before I joined curves I had already lost 45 lbs after I joined curves I lost another 40lbs. Then I started gaining weight even while I was going there! But..... Drum roll please!! I am happy to say that I now weigh the lowest weight I got down to so I will lose lose lose more!! Yay!!

TGIF

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Nothing really planed day trip on sat! With the hubby and daughter and granddaughter!! It's always nice to get away just for the day!! It's supposed to be nice this weekend. I guess the last hooray! Haha. Physical therapy is helping so much I'm glad I'm going! I only have 5 more weeks left till I get off for winter! Yay!!

Eating = check

work outs 3x = check

Feeling better= check

It's all good!

I did it!

Today is a good day I finally hit my 60.2# weight loss and worked out 2 days in a row AND drum roll please did not eat any candy for over 24 hrs!! Ta da! Now I will go for 48! And so on! I know I can do I've gone weeks without candy before! I got this!

Physical therapy!

I have been having problems with my neck for some time now. In the last month it has gotten worse. I decided to go see my husbands ortho to have him check it out. He couldn't find anything by looking at the X-rays. He said I could try physical therapy and go back to him in a month! I started physical therapy the same day. They had an opening at a place close to my work. I went again today and it really seems to be helping already!! That makes me so happy!! I have been trying to get back on track ever since I was off after my husband had surgery I have been eating Halloween candy everyday!! Not a lot but still I shouldn't be eating it at all!! TODAY I WILL NOT EAT ONE SINGLE PEICE OF HALLOWEEN CANDY AT ALL!!!! Does that sound convincing?? I hope so cause now that it's out there I have to!!! (Not do it that is)) I am .8# more then my lowest weight so I'm good!! I am going to a week trial at curves to see if its something I want to do again. I had joined back in 05 when I had lost a lot of weight but stopped going in 07 when I had hernia surgery. I want to make sure it won't hurt my neck before I join!? I went yesterday and it didn't seem to bother me! Yay! I haven't walked in a while my knee has still been bothering me lately and it's getting really cold now! I need to do something because I have to start toning up since I have lost almost 60#. Luckily since I have lost it slowly I don't seem to have an excessive amount of lose skin! Thank God! And I know working out will help me get to my goal even faster!! I'm gonna get there there is no doubt in my mind!!


So today at work one of my bosses said that he has noticed that I have been shrinking every time he sees me I look smaller!! Finally!! I was beginning to wonder if these people were blind! Haha. I think sometimes I want people to notice and to say something. I don't know why I care about that it shouldn't be my motive to lose weight!! I'm still a work in progress I guess I always will be!......

Love this book!!

Check out this healthy tip! Had to post it!

Sat at work!

I'm catching up on my reading. I started a book the beginning of oct. it's called Healthy Choices for Women 100 days of Devotions for Mind, Body, and Spirit! I got behind last week cause I was home a lot but I just read something I thought was worth sharing! Physical Health is a choice: it is the result of HUNDREDS of small decisions that we make everyday of our lives. If we make decisions that promote good health, our bodies respond. But if we fall into bad habits and undisciplined lifestyles, we suffer tragic consequences! So what that says to me is even if we make one or two or even 10 mistakes in a day that won't ruin things for us! It's the 90 other things we do right! So don't let our mistakes define us! Don't let that be our excuse to keep messing up. We didn't get this way overnight and we won't change our brains that quickly either it's going to take years of retraining! I'm up for the challenge! I'm learning as I go! So far so good!!

Where am I now??

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I have spent a lot of time at home lately. My hubby had knee surgery last week and I was home with him wed and thurs. I worked fri but was off sat thru wed cause if the Frankenstorm! Crazy! But luckily we were spared without any damage. So....... At home bored snacking and snacking why?? I have no idea? Maybe because everyone I live with are big snackers!! My husband is the worst and he doesn't have a weight problem!! And the equates to..... I now weigh 2# more then I did yesterday it said 4. Today 2! Am I worried? Upset? Surprised? Nope! Not at all. I'm just taking it 1 day at a time! I'm so very thankful for how well I've done and I know I will never ever ever go back to how I was! I am finally positive of that! I can finally be secure in the fact that I now know how to eat right. And I now have a new life be because of it! So even when I overeat a little then I don't go crazy! And I don't give myself permission to indulge all day long AND I have no problem waking up the next day and getting right back on track! I do however want to lose more weight before my cruise in feb. would I still love to lose another 40# before the end of the year. If I don't that's ok too!! For now I'm good and I'm happy!

They say slow and steady wins the race!?

I'm still in the race!?  I'm still in the race!?  Me?? I'm still running.  It does seem to be slower then I would prefer but I think I'm OK with that??  But........ sometimes I'm not!  I want to get this blubber off faster.
I know I know I didn't get this way overnight!  But I'm still in the race.  That's so unlike the old me!  Is part of me afraid I won't once again finish the race?  I have tried so many times before and haven't even stayed in it this long.  So that must be a good thing right?  Does a leopard change its spots?  I don't know I hope so?  I'm getting ready to leave work so I will have to continue this later.

Well we will see.......................................


Just saw that this is my 100th post! Yay!

I am changing my thinking!

I have decided to put my relationship with food on the back burner. Food you will no longer be my best friend!! I will not turn to you when I'm down or when I'm happy!! You are no longer an award for my achievements. You will no longer be what I think about in the morning. You will no longer be the last thing I do at night! You will strictly be on a need to live basis. I need you to live. But I will no longer live for you!! I have replaced you with something much stronger then you, more loving then you, more forgiving then you!! I have replaced you with God! The one who loves me, who takes care of me, the one who gave me life! He is who I will turn to for all my joy, my sorrow, my pain, my inadequacies. So don't think that I will change my mind and go back to you! There's a new Sheriff in town and your history!!!! I needed to get that out there so there's no more questions!! It's done! I have taken back my life and I intend to keep it this time!